New Webpage Design
This week's e-journal marks the debut of my new webpage design. Since I am both webpage designer, webpage developer, and e-journal writer as well as chief cook and bottle-washer, the website has taken a WHOOOOOOLE lot longer to put together than I had ever thought it would. Plus, I've had major delays due to family health problems.
Being typically overly optimistic about what I can personally accomplish, I thought I could have everything up and running in about two months. Well, it's been over four and I'm not even half finished with the pages for the website.
So they will be dribbling out to you as I get them finished.
Frank McClung, who used to work on the Elijah Company website, chose this "ancient paths" header design, and I really like it. I hope you do too. He has an incredible eye for choosing images. You can check out his website HERE.
This Week's Article
This week I was going to run an article by John Gatto about what every educated person needs to know. But while going through my papers I finally found the "What a father does when he really loves his daughter" and "What a husband does when he really loves his wife" lists I told you about in a previous ejournal that helped me come to an understanding of God's love for me. I've had several people e-mail asking for these lists, so I'm going to post them instead of Gatto's article.
Please understand, these are personal lists I made when I was working through a difficult time of trying to understand and accept God's love for me. They are not meant to be "grids" you superimpose on your father or husband to see if he measures up to your standards. And the things on the list are what I needed God and Jesus to be for me, so they you may not express your need. Just use the lists as a starting point for what you need God and Jesus to be for you.
Also understand that these lists may not be theologically correct. So don't freak out if I have something on the list that makes a Scripture pop into your mind to dispute it.
Last comment. If you're a guy, you can substitute "son" for "daughter" in the father list. I don't know what to tell you to substitute for "wife" in the husband list because, actually, if you're a Christian you are part of the Bride of Christ, and you're somehow approached by Jesus as if you were His wife. So you'll have to sort that out for yourself.
How I Used These Lists
These lists were created during a period of five or six years in my life when I really needed to experience God's love in a personal way. Everything had gone so wrong for so long that I had lost my bearings as to whether God really loved me and would take care of me.
In the midst of that time, a Christian counselor asked me if I believed I was a better parent than God. His implication was that if one of my children were going through the physical, mental, emotional, and financial upheaval I was going through, I would try to help in any way I could, so why didn't I believe God would do the same for me?
He suggested that I make the two lists: What a Father Does When He Really, Really, Really Loves His Daughter and What a Husband Does When He Really, Really, Really Loves His Wife and write in them every way I would like to be loved by God and Jesus--everything I ever wanted a father and husband to be to me.
The counselor kind of made me mad, but I did what he suggested and wrote out the lists. Then everytime something happened that made me wonder about God's love for me, I would read them.
I wasn't playing some mind-game with God or doing some affirmation exercise, I was genuinely trying to know Him as my father and Jesus as my Husband, Lover, and Friend. And I had to overcome years and years of programming that they both were demanding, disapproving, hard to please, quick to judge and punish kind of guys whose main interest in me was to use me as some sort of playing piece in their cosmic chessgame with the devil. So much for the raw material for a real relationship.
As a child, one of my "defaults" was set on "The only reason God loves me is that He has to because His nature is love." So, in a way, my whole walk with God has been a progressive changing of my default settings.
I still have lists that I put on Post-It notes over my bed and my computer. One says, "I am beautiful; I am loved; I am safe; I am taken care of; Whatever I need I can ask for and God will give it to me; God always gives me extra."
Maybe I'm really insecure and need constant reassurance. But just maybe, like the Bible says, we really are surrounded by a deliberate illusion designed to lead us to believe that God is not on our side. So it never hurts to surround myself with reminders of the truth.
What a Father Does When He Really, Really, Really Loves His Daughter
1. He provides for her physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual growth and wellbeing. He provides for her both during his lifetime and also leaves an inheritance to provide for her when he can’t be there personally.
2. He creates an environment for her where she feels physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe, secure, and taken care of.
3. He protects her from unhappiness, from harm, from attack, and from being taken advantage of by others.
4. He shows her lots of attention and affection—hugs her, kisses her, tickles her, listens to her, shows an interest in what she is interested in.
5. He makes her feel loved and appreciated, like she’s special and important to him; like he’s proud of her.
6. He makes her feel like a princess, like he wanted her to be born more than anything in the world and if he could have his pick of all the little girls in the world, he would choose her. He makes her “girlhood” feel specifically wanted.
7. He realizes she’s a child and doesn’t expect more of her than she can be.
8. He blesses and favors her even when she is not acting like the person he knows she really is.
9. He "cheers her on" and encourages her in everything she tries. He is her biggest fan.
10. He gives her room to make poor choices and to fail and does not see her poor choices and failures as meaning anything about who she is a person.
11. He teaches and trains her to become more responsible and mature by setting up opportunities for her to “try her wings” in a safe, protected environment. When she’s ready to be more independent, he helps her make the transition.
12. He spends quality time with her, listening to her heart and sharing his.
13. When she is separated from him, he always seeks reunion. He is the father who is always watching for her return to him, and when it happens, he rushes to her and welcomes her back into his arms. He is a running, embracing, kissing father.
14. In every way he can, he makes sure she knows he loves her, he thinks she’s beautiful, and he will always take care of her.
15. He is extravagant towards her with his affection, his time, his possessions, and his money. Whenever she needs something, he always gives her more than she needs.
16. He loves her with a 1 Corinthians 13 love. His love:
a. is patient
b. is kind
c. does not envy
d. does not boast
e. is not proud
f. is not rude
g. is not self-seeking
h. keeps no record of wrongs
i. is never glad about her “getting her due”
j. rejoices with the truth
k. always protects
l. always trusts
m. always hopes
n. always perseveres
o. never fails to love
What a Husband Does When He Really, Really, Really Loves His Wife
1.He makes her feel beautiful and special, like she is more wonderful than any other woman in the world, like a treasure he has found, like she is the only one for him.
2. He makes her feel intelligent and capable.
3. He makes her feel like she pleases him in everything she does.
4. He provides for her everything she needs—food, clothing, shelter, companionship, emotional and physical intimacy.
5. He protects her from unhappiness, from harm, from being taken advantage of. He is willing to die for her, to exchange his life for hers.
6. He encourages her uniqueness, her creativity, her passions and desires, and helps her be all she can be. He is her biggest fan.
7. He assumes all of her financial responsibility.
8. He can’t wait to spend time with her, to embrace her, to talk with her, to hear what’s on her heart.
9. He wants to share his heart with her.
10. He gives her His name and all the authority and influence that comes with it; he trusts her as he would himself.
11. He wants to be intimate with her, express his love through affection and intimate union with her.
12. He wants to have children with her.
13. In every way he can, he makes sure she knows that he loves her, he thinks she’s beautiful, and he will always take care of her.
14. He is extravagant towards her with his affection, his time, his possessions, and his money. Whenever she needs something, he always gives her more than she needs.
15. He loves her with a 1 Corinthians 13 love. His love:
a. is patient
b. is kind
c. does not envy
d. does not boast
e. is not proud
f. is not rude
g. is not self-seeking
h. keeps no record of wrongs
i. is never glad about her “getting her due”
j. rejoices with the truth
k. always protects
l. always trusts
m. always hopes
n. always perseveres
o. never fails to love
Until next time....
P.S. Here are the webpages I've finished. Each page listed will take you to more pages on that topic.
Webpages about choosing teaching materials
Webpages about the importance of reading great books and booklists for children of all ages
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