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My Rhett Butler List of Things I Don't Care About Anymore
by Ellyn Davis
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This past weekend you probably witnessed (or maybe even participated in) the holiday “tradition” of Black Friday. One blog I read described it this way, "leaving our loved ones to drive off in our cars before dawn the day after Thanksgiving, then to wait in line to spend money on things we don’t need."
I didn't go out myself, but our son Blake went to Target at 1 am on Friday and the line wrapped all the way around the building. Except for long lines and shoulder-to-shoulder crowds, things were pretty quiet here. But across the country reports of Black Friday violence rolled in. Bargain-obsessed shoppers were victimized by parking lot muggers, sprayed with pepper spray, mauled and trampled by other shoppers and by smash-and-grab looters, and in some instances, shot or stabbed.
A woman shopping at Crabtree Valley Mall in Raleigh, N.C. described the Black Friday shopping scene this way: “The difference this year is that instead of a nice sweater you need a bullet proof vest and goggles."
Maybe I'm a cultural drop-out, but I've decided that there are times when I just shouldn't care and going shopping on Black Friday is just one of many things I've decided not to care about (or Cyber Monday either, for that matter). For one thing, I realized that most of the "deals" I could get by waking up at dawn and braving frenzied crowds were also available on the internet.
Why I Don't Care
However, the whole Black Friday scenario has made me realize I've begun to not care about a lot of things. Here's why. I receive more information, news, and subliminal messages in a day than my grandmother probably received in her whole lifetime. And, what's more, almost all music, media, advertising and information is geared to the 18 to 30 year old crowd. I'm not sure I like the implications of that.
It sounds like I have a form of reverse age discrimination, which is particularly ironic coming from someone who was raised in the generation suspicious of trusting anyone over 30. But last week, as I was sharing Thanksgiving with family and friends, watching TV and surfing the internet, or sitting in church meetings or revival classes, it suddenly struck me that, with just a few exceptions, every message I was receiving about how to live life was being taught to me by someone between the ages of 18 and 30. I have nothing against anyone under 30, but I'm not sure I want that age group defining a whole culture's values.
Nowadays people are learning about values from the Kardashians and The Real Housewives of New Jersey. They are finding true love in six weeks on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette and discovering the art of intimacy through sit-coms and porn sites. They are learning to be relationally non-relational by letting texting, online chats and forums, Facebook, and Twitter take the place of actually spending time with real people face-to-face.
So...I've decided that there are at least 7 things I just don't care about anymore. I'm calling this my Rhett Butler list because of his famous line in Gone With the Wind. (Don't know his famous line? Google it.)
My Rhett Butler list of things I have stopped caring about.
1. I just don’t care about living up to the expectations of others. Not that I don’t care about others, but I can no longer let them define my choices or actions. I used to worry a lot about what other people thought of me and what I was doing. Not only did I home school my kids but I was a pastor's wife, so I always felt scrutinized by others—like I had to live up to somebody else's standard of what a successful home school or successful church or successful Christian wife and mother was like. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t please everyone, and I was exhausted from trying to. I know what's right for me, for my family, for my relationship with God, etc. better than anyone else does, so I have to follow my own "truth" and accept responsibility for my own choices.
2. I just don’t care about having perfect children. I have wonderful, accomplished kids who know the Lord. What else could I want? Are they perfect? Of course not, because they're my kids which just about guarantees they will never be perfect. But who says they have to be?
3. I just don’t care about having more things. There was a time in my life when I wanted to have it all. But then I realized that once you have it, you have to maintain it and you can wind up worrying about losing it. And not only that, five years from now I'll be tackling cleaning out a garage crammed full of things I just had to have but no longer want. Now I know that the more things I own, the more time and energy they drain from my life. I could do with far less and be just as happy—maybe happier. So I skip Black Friday and Cyber Monday and yard sales and generally do a lot less shopping. And my house is a lot less cluttered.
4. I just don’t care about political correctness. Human decency, basic manners, my relationship with God and my personal values serve as my guide—not some splinter group's ideas about avoiding offending those who sometimes seem like they go out of their way to offend me.
5. I just don’t care about the media's idea of beauty. Believe me, I have struggled with maintaining my appearance as much any woman I know. But the media's ideal is impossible to attain for someone over 25 who's had six pregnancies, loves Coca Cola and chocolate and doesn't binge and purge. And I've met plenty of gorgeous people who are about as ugly as you can get on the inside, which brings me to #6.
6. I just don’t care about tolerating bad behavior. In his excellent book, The 80/20 Principle, Richard Koch lists life's Top 10 biggest time-wasters and near the top of the list is "anything involving unreliable collaborators." I've decided that people who are deceitful, chronically selfish, unkind, manipulating, insensitive, untrustworthy, and so on are "unreliable collaborators" on my journey through life and are no longer worth putting up with on a regular basis. I try to let go of unhealthy relationships if there is no hope for healing or change.
7. I just don’t care about most electronics. My kids think I live in the dark ages, but here's my take on the most popular electronics. TV: There are some great programs that are entertaining, informative, or uplifting, but most TV is either what Charlotte Mason would call "twattle" or is downright appalling to me. So about the only use I have for my television is to watch videos or a few select broadcasts. Cell phones: Although I love the new smart phones, I've just about had it with people who let every conversation or get-together be interrupted by calls, texts, or Tweets or, worse yet, they don't engage in conversation because they're so busy playing Angry Birds. Computers: Alas, this is my downfall as far as a time-waster. For my work I research so many interesting topics that I can't seem to stop, so I wind up surfing much, much longer than I'd like to. Kindles, Nooks, etc.: I just like the feel of a good book in my hands that I can dog-ear the pages of and highlight and write notes in the margin. And somehow snuggling under a comforter in front of the woodstove in my jammies reading a Kindle doesn't seem to have the same satisfying romantic overtones as if I were reading a book.
So, now that the leftover turkey and stuffing is almost gone, maybe you can make your own Rhett Butler list.
Until next time....
Ellyn
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In Christian jargon, we might call the WHY a conviction and we could say that their home schooling efforts became a struggle because their conviction about home school ing was unclear or wavering.
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